Knock, Knock..."who's there?"

Well not too much has happen since my last post. I was sick for about a week with what seemed to be the flu. I still have a little congestion but it's almost completely gone. Work has been ok. I've been trying to work some over time so I can a few extra bucks to go towards the savings for our cruise that we want to go on. We had nearly $1000 set aside for the cruise hen we got our auto insurance bill in. Ugggg, just our luck. We pay our insurance for a 6 month span. So the money we had saved for the cruise was spent on keeping our insurance up. So we are back to the drawing board again. We each get 3 weeks paid vacation at work this year. hat we plan on doing is each getting a check cut for 2 weeks ( 4 weeks total between the both of us)and using that money to pay for our cruise. The the money we say from now until the day we sail out will be our spending money while we are gone. It doesn't take us long to save money, it just seems when we do get a good bit saved something like the insurance comes up, or we have to pay taxes. Soon we will have our last 2 credit cards paid off and that will help us a ton! We've already cut them up so now it's just a matter of getting them paid. We owe $1700 on one and $300 on another. So they aren't too bad.

I need to get to the dentist and get some teeth fixed. I have been pregnant for the most part of the last 2 years and haven't been able to have any X-Rays done to get my teeth worked on. So in the next week or so I'm going to make an appointment and finally get it done. After I have my teeth fixed and I get to go on our vacation I'll be happy!

I'm going to be making an appointment in the next few days with a new OB/GYN. I've heard great things about this new doctor. He's not only a regular OB/GYN he's also a high risk doctor. I'll have an appointment to discuss my history and talk about TTC in the next few months. I want to make sure that my new doctor is going to be on top of things and do things as I wish. I've been taking my aspirin 81mg every day and my prenatal vitamins every day for a little over a month now. My MFM doctor wants me on those for AT LEAST 3 months prior to even trying. So I'm hoping that if all goes well we may start TTC again in July maybe. I will be glad to come off of this birth control though. Gosh, it makes me so bloated that I constantly look pregnant already. I HATE that. I'd like to have my flat stomach back again if I'm not with child.

My little brother and I went to Fayettville last Saturday to go to our nephew's birthday party. He turned 5 this year! His party as a Star Wars Theme. My gracious at the kids there. They had his part at the church and all the kids from the church were there. There had to be like 20 5 year olds there. That's not counting the 1-3 yr olds and a few 8-10 yr olds, plus their parents. The church was packed!! Needless to say our nephew Brendan had a great time with all his friends. I was so glad we were able to be a part of it.

Well not much else to report. I'll leave you with a few random pics! Enjoy!

This is my little brother and our nephew Micah.


Ryan and I on our wedding day!!


And Lastly Ryan and I on our night out after the wedding!

Where Has The Time Gone?

Gosh, it seems like it was only yesterday that I was in the delivery room having you. You were SO tiny and fragile. I called you tennis ball head for the longest time. You were small and sick but you were perfect. I was at the hospital daily to see you for hours on end. When I couldn't hold you I would just watch you. The days in the NICU were long and seemed as if they would never end. Who ever knew though that they WOULD end in SUCH a way. It was one year ago today that I held you for the last time as we wished you a farewell to your eternal home. I miss holding you, talking to you, and giving you a bath. I miss the way your breath smells and the sound of the alarms, as scary as they were at times. I miss that look in your eyes when it was just me and you. You made my bad days better. i thought life with out you was getting easier to deal with until the days leading up to today. I've cried a river of tears that the largest dam couldn't hold back. It was as if it was all replaying over and over again in my head, like throwing salt into a fresh wound. I've found myself thinking of how things should be instead of how they actually are. By now you should be walking and saying mommy and daddy. I should be watching you laugh and giggle as you play. We should be going on walks and I should be reading you your nightly bed time stories, instead you bedtime story book lays silently beside you as you rest beneath the surface of this old world.

I took the preemie clothing to the Levine's today as well as 3 other hospitals. I also shipped 2 boxes to 2 different hospitals. It was hard walking into that NICU again today for the first time since you've passed. I'll always remember the smell of that place, it's one I could never forget. Seeing those big electric doors again and those portable isollettes almost took my breath away as I held back the tears. I seen Dr. Hicky, she took care of you for a while. She gave me a big hug, and again I had to fight back more tears. Then there was Tony. The man who always knew how to make me smile when things were bad. He came behind me and put his arm around me. Yet again more emotions and more tears held back. So many familiar faces and so many familiar things. as much as I miss you though, I never wish you back in that place to suffer for another second.

Baby girl, I'll see you again some day. Take care of you little sister until I can make it home. I love you and miss you more than any words could say or emotions could show. Hugs and kisses my sweet baby.

Love, Mom

Where Has The Time Gone?

Gosh, it seems like it was only yesterday that I was in the delivery room having you. You were SO tiny and fragile. I called you tennis ball head for the longest time. You were small and sick but you were perfect. I was at the hospital daily to see you for hours on end. When I couldn't hold you I would just watch you. The days in the NICU were long and seemed as if they would never end. Who ever knew though that they WOULD end in SUCH a way. It was one year ago today that I held you for the last time as we wished you a farewell to your eternal home. I miss holding you, talking to you, and giving you a bath. I miss the way your breath smells and the sound of the alarms, as scary as they were at times. I miss that look in your eyes when it was just me and you. You made my bad days better. i thought life with out you was getting easier to deal with until the days leading up to today. I've cried a river of tears that the largest dam couldn't hold back. It was as if it was all replaying over and over again in my head, like throwing salt into a fresh wound. I've found myself thinking of how things should be instead of how they actually are. By now you should be walking and saying mommy and daddy. I should be watching you laugh and giggle as you play. We should be going on walks and I should be reading you your nightly bed time stories, instead you bedtime story book lays silently beside you as you rest beneath the surface of this old world.

I took the preemie clothing to the Levine's today as well as 3 other hospitals. I also shipped 2 boxes to 2 different hospitals. It was hard walking into that NICU again today for the first time since you've passed. I'll always remember the smell of that place, it's one I could never forget. Seeing those big electric doors again and those portable isollettes almost took my breath away as I held back the tears. I seen Dr. Hicky, she took care of you for a while. She gave me a big hug, and again I had to fight back more tears. Then there was Tony. The man who always knew how to make me smile when things were bad. He came behind me and put his arm around me. Yet again more emotions and more tears held back. So many familiar faces and so many familiar things. as much as I miss you though, I never wish you back in that place to suffer for another second.

Baby girl, I'll see you again some day. Take care of you little sister until I can make it home. I love you and miss you more than any words could say or emotions could show. Hugs and kisses my sweet baby.

Love, Mom

It's been a while!

It's been quite sometime since I've written a post here.

I did get married on the 14th of February. It was real nice. We had it at the retirement home so all of our residents (family) could be their to share in that special moment. So it's official...I'm an Elliotte now!

The little baby that I was asking for prayers for, Baby Jake, well the good Lord called him home. So please keep his family in your prayers for comfort and strength during these times.

As far as the girl that is pregnant with the baby who the doctors are saying will not survive, well she doesn't want to talk to me or anyone else. I have to say I completely understand. I too for a little while didn't want to talk to anyone either. So all I can ask is that everyone pray for her comfort and strength.

I had quite a surprise in the mail the other day. I got a card from someone I don't know. In the card was a check for $100. The check had a name on it but not one I knew. I actually don't even know any from where the card came from. This was such a blessing to our family. We have been low on funds this past week. We are having to pay our taxes and our regular mortgage and utilities. So with the taxes being an added bill it left us near broke. So if you are reading this and you are the one who sent the check, thank you! You have truly blessed our family this week. Isn't God good!?!?! He knows just when to step in!

I've been working a lot lately trying to get some overtime in to make extra money so we can save for our LATE honeymoon. We are hoping to go on a cruise. Time will tell if we will actually be able to do this. I hope we can though. I've never been but I've heard it's really nice.

Well only 4 more days till the anniversary of Carly's death. It's hard to believe it's been a year since she has gone home. I think of my girls often but I really been thinking about them a lot lately. i have a memory box for both girls with all of their belongings in it. I've been wanting to open them and look through their things but I have yet been able to bring my self to do it.

Well hopefully it won't be as long before I post next time. Until then, God Bless!!!

Pray For Baby Jake!!

Baby Jake is in the CVICU (cardiovascular intensive care unti) at Levine Children's Hospital. He has CDH was Hypoplastic right heart syndrome, possible transplant. He needs our prayers too! His caringbridge site is under JacobWarfield. Please stop by this site and show your support and give much needed thougts and prayers. We know God will is in control. I pray that God watches over baby Jake and works through the doctors to give him the best care possible. I pray that if he does need a transplant that he is able to get it quickly and make a fast full recovery. Please let everyone you know, know about this precious child so we can have him lifted up by many to God!!!

Need Some Serious Prayer Warriors!!!!

I got a call today from my brother. My brother is a music pastor in his church. He told me of a girl today that is currently attending his church. She wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital yesterday. She found out she was 7 months pregnant. The doctor told her that her baby boy would not survive. The baby's brain is not fully developed. She is very upset right now and is new to the christian faith. Rodney (my brother) asked me if I would talk to her. I told him I would and I have yet to talk to her as of now. One thing I know for sure is that the doctors aren't always right. Carly's brain wasn't formed completely either, and we enjoyed her for 4 months. I know another lady who's twin grandchildren were born and one of the baby's brain wasn't divided and they told them the baby wouldn't survive either it's now been 8 months and the baby is doing well with developmental delays, but she's her and alive. God is always in control and always has the last say. I have been crying for this girl because I know what it's like to carry a baby and know that the outcome may not be good. I have also went through 2 losses in less than 8 months. The pain is very real and hurts to your core. God is good though and has strengthened me through our struggles here on earth. I pray that God will give this girl peace and strength to what ever may come her way. I also ask for her faith to grow stronger day by day. I pray that God places her hand on this little boy and heals his body with every ounce of healing power He has. Please join with me and become prayer warriors for this girl and her unborn child. We know that God is capable of ALL things and nothing is too big for Him to handle. Please pass along this information to as many people as possible so that we can get as many prayers as possible for this girl and her baby boy. The doctors did say that she would have to carry the baby to term and go ahead with a normal delivery.

Lets come together and get the whole world praying that God will show Himself through a BIG miracle!!! Maybe this is what she's needs to strengthen her faith and reach out to others in need!

From Proverbs31

This is today's devotion that is listed on Proverbs31.org. After talking to my high risk OB today and letting the information sink in some I came to this devotion. This really makes sense to my life. My life has been interrupted with many different road construction sites. First it was my pregnancy and life with Carly then it was her death. Then it was my little brothers car accident leaving him suffering with a severe traumatic brain injury then the birth our dead second daughter Hannah. My life has been full of interruptions, but I know that soon it will lead to a beautiful garden that God has been patiently creating for me to enjoy. I just have to keep on following God path and soon He will reveal it to me. Please read on to see what I'm talking about.


Orange and White Barrels
Van Walton

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths… I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16 (NIV)

Last spring I monotonously approached my neighborhood exit where a newly posted sign announced that I could not make my normal left turn. Lined up on the road as far as I could see around the bend was a neatly laid row of orange and white barrels. Road construction had interrupted my usual routine.

My daily plans would now be detoured due to the construction. Faced with this disruption that would surely put a kink in my life, I felt agitated and even hit the steering wheel with my fist. I would have to design new ways to reach my destinations and I wasn’t happy about it.

One day when construction was completed enough to allow some through traffic, I turned left and surveyed the sights. I couldn’t believe what I saw. No more lovely forest. Gone were the inviting trails into the woods. Decades-old wooden fences and bridges had disappeared. Honestly, the place resembled the combined affects of earthquake and fire. That whole summer I rolled up to the intersection with its orange and white barrels, and it triggered in me negative thoughts and feelings.

Soon after, my life was more seriously interrupted. A disturbing phone call forced me to drop everything. The bad news exploded like a bomb - my heart and mind quaked with emotion. Spiritual frustration filled my soul in the following months. I can’t remember how many times my fist hit hard places. I screamed at God when life carried me away from the direction I wanted to take.

“How long will You take me out of my way?” I questioned God. I longed for my life before the interruption. Managing my days on autopilot was no longer an option as I faced my new circumstances. Slowly I began to see that this spiritual reconstruction paralleled the roadwork outside my neighborhood.

Once all the orange and white barrels were gone and I was free to turn left at that intersection, I appreciated the results. Smooth asphalt spread out before me. Two lanes of traffic moved steadily. The “earthquake zone” had been transformed into a park-like setting. A tree-lined sidewalk encouraged pedestrians to walk toward the ballpark and the neighborhood church. Admiring the new landscape, I realized I’d been inconvenienced, but now I could see that the long delays were worthwhile.

Today, although my life continues to zigzag through various “construction sites,” I realize God allowed me to experience the orange and white-barreled roads to illustrate a truth. He is at work up ahead rearranging the landscape of my life. Psalm 37:34 says, “Put your hope in the Lord. Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you by giving you the land.” (NLT)

I may not be able to see what that land looks like, but I believe His Word. So, with His help, I put my hope in Him, traveling the paths He lays out for me, even though they are not the familiar roads I would normally take.

Father God, You know how difficult life is right now. My interrupted life and the difficult roads You have me traveling feel like they’ll break me. Give me the capacity to graciously travel the paths You lay out before me. Help me trust You, In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Van Walton’s blog

From the Pound to the Palace by Van Walton

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner by Wendy Blight

Application Steps:
Memorize one of the referenced Bible verses. Pray it out loud when disruptions threaten to interrupt your life.

Reflections:
How has my life been interrupted recently?

How would God have me respond to this most recent disturbance?

Power Verses:
Psalm 25:4, “Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.” (NLT)

© 2009 by Van Walton. All rights reserved.