Saturday, July 11, 2009

This Blog Is Moving!

I'm not going to delete this blog by any means but I am moving all of my post here over to my other blog. You can read more about the switch at the link below.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I had A Dream Of You Last Night!

You came to me in my dreams last night. Thank You! I needed that! You were small for a while in my dreams. I kept you turned from your left and right side just as if you were still in your isollette in the hospital all except you were home. Then soon you were grown. You were about the size you should be now if you were still here with me. You were walking and learning to talk. I asked you who the man in the bed was and you said pawpaw as you laid your innocent head on my dads arms to show him love. You made me so happy in my dreams last night. I remember crying but I know that they were happy tears. We walked and you showed off the new words you were learning. You had light brown curly hair. You had the most lovely heart and was just so loving.

I love you baby girl. Come see me again in my dreams, I really enjoy it!

Till we meet again....

Love MOM

Monday, March 9, 2009

Where Has The Time Gone?

Gosh, it seems like it was only yesterday that I was in the delivery room having you. You were SO tiny and fragile. I called you tennis ball head for the longest time. You were small and sick but you were perfect. I was at the hospital daily to see you for hours on end. When I couldn't hold you I would just watch you. The days in the NICU were long and seemed as if they would never end. Who ever knew though that they WOULD end in SUCH a way. It was one year ago today that I held you for the last time as we wished you a farewell to your eternal home. I miss holding you, talking to you, and giving you a bath. I miss the way your breath smells and the sound of the alarms, as scary as they were at times. I miss that look in your eyes when it was just me and you. You made my bad days better. i thought life with out you was getting easier to deal with until the days leading up to today. I've cried a river of tears that the largest dam couldn't hold back. It was as if it was all replaying over and over again in my head, like throwing salt into a fresh wound. I've found myself thinking of how things should be instead of how they actually are. By now you should be walking and saying mommy and daddy. I should be watching you laugh and giggle as you play. We should be going on walks and I should be reading you your nightly bed time stories, instead you bedtime story book lays silently beside you as you rest beneath the surface of this old world.

I took the preemie clothing to the Levine's today as well as 3 other hospitals. I also shipped 2 boxes to 2 different hospitals. It was hard walking into that NICU again today for the first time since you've passed. I'll always remember the smell of that place, it's one I could never forget. Seeing those big electric doors again and those portable isollettes almost took my breath away as I held back the tears. I seen Dr. Hicky, she took care of you for a while. She gave me a big hug, and again I had to fight back more tears. Then there was Tony. The man who always knew how to make me smile when things were bad. He came behind me and put his arm around me. Yet again more emotions and more tears held back. So many familiar faces and so many familiar things. as much as I miss you though, I never wish you back in that place to suffer for another second.

Baby girl, I'll see you again some day. Take care of you little sister until I can make it home. I love you and miss you more than any words could say or emotions could show. Hugs and kisses my sweet baby.

Love, Mom

Monday, December 29, 2008

In Memory Of Carly....Preemie Onesie Drive

I'm holding my first annual preemie onesie drive in memory of Carly. The donations will be given to the babies and famlies at the hospital's NICU where Carly lived her 4 months of life. For more information please visit

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Monday, March 10, 2008

Thank you!!!

Thank you to everyone who has been there for Carly, Ryan and myself. There are no words to describe the gratitude we have towards everyone.

Patti Flint....Carly's first nurse. She was so sweet. Always coming up with an idea to better help lil miss Carlys. (pleats in her diaper, batons in her hands to hold on to) she wrote Carly birthday cards and would stick them on her isolette. She was an amazing woman. Patti came the night Carly passed and helped Ryan and I to bathe her. She also got to have a lil snuggle time with her too. I love you Patti and Carly loved you too! (((((HUGS)))))

Melissa L.....Melissa was Carly's associate nurse until Patti had to resign from her do to another responsibility. So Melissa picked her up as her primary. She was great. She would come in in the morning and Carly would already be awake waiting on Melissa. She new that it was time for her morning conversation. Melissa was always wanting to do things that were in Carly's best interest. She is the one who finally let me start dressing lil Carly. O yeah I can't forget it was Melissa who helped my give Carly her first TUB bath! And Melissa not only took care of Carly she also took care of me. She befriended me and that's exactly what I needed while I was there with my baby girl. Thank you Melissa and we love you! (((((HUGS)))))

Monica Hicks.....What can I say? Monica was wonderful. She loved Carly. She always had good things to say about her. Monica let me hold my baby for the 1st time ever. I felt on top of the world. It was amazing! Monica always went the extra mile to comfort me and befriend me as well. She was always so gentle with Carly and always voiced her concerns to me. She helped me not to be afraid to speak up to the doctors. Thank you and we love you! (((((HUGS)))))

Mary Ruth.....Mary Ruth was her night time primary. She was great. She never missed a beat. She too loved miss Carly. She always gave me keepsakes to look back on. And one thing that really drew me to Mary Ruth was her ability to talk to me with out sugar coating thing. She told me how it was and that was it. I liked it that way. She was a big advocate for doing kangaroo care. Which I loved doing.I too feel like while we were there Mary Ruth befriend me as well. I love you Mary Ruth (((((HUGS))))

Amy Buran.....Amy is a very special God driven woman. She didn't work with Carly but maybe a couple of times. But she was there on the day she passed away. She kept Carly completely comfortable. And helped to comfort me, Ryan and our family. I couldn't have asked for anything more. She made the transition go as smooth as it possibly could. Amy thank you and we love you! ((((HUGS)))))

Amber from NPCN.....Amber was super nice. I was starting to wonder if I was ever meet a nurse that I liked over there. Then there she is. And she became a regular really fast. Amber was very nice and willing to do anything she could to help me or Carly out. Amber had a heart of gold and it showed very much. She would take the time out of her busy day to lotion Carly when she knew I couldn't bathe her because of her temp. Amber made being in the NPCN not such a scary thought anymore! Thanks Amber (((((HUGS)))))

Stephine....she was also a NPCN nurse and was very very sweet. She took very good care of Carly. Stephine was Carly's daytime primary nurse in the NPCN. She too did everything she could do to help take care of Carly. Thanks! (((((HUGS)))))

Dr. Chu.....Oh my God where do I start with her? Dr. Chu is amazing! She has always supported Carly and had lots of faith in her. She knew what kinda trooper Carly was. She is an outstanding doctor and makes the parents feel at home. She always spoke to me in a way that was understandable to me. She even at times would stop to have just an everyday conversation. Dr. Chu was there the day Carly wasn't feeling well. She comforted me and Ryan. And she assisted in letting our angel fly away to her heavenly father! I can't thank you enough Dr. Chu!! (((((HUGS)))))

Tony.....Tony is a great NNP! He was always there to help me and answer any questions I had (there was a lot of question) so I'm sure I keep him pretty busy! But that aside Tony really help me by allowing me to feel relaxed. He had this attitude about himself that put me in a good mood. Even if I was sad Tony knew just what to do to make me smile! I love you Tony! (((((HUGS)))))

The other doctors that helped in Carly's care were great as well. They all did an excellent job. And I would recommend this group of people to anyone!
Dr. Fisher was always laid back and very easy to talk to. He made me feel at home. Dr.Engstrum was a sweet man who cares and is willing to just stop and talk if that's what you need. Dr. Neal was Carly's first doctor and she was great. She didn't sugar coat a thing! It was straight forward and to the point. I loved her attitude and that smile would knock you off you feet. She had the most beautiful smile and just seeing that would make my day better. Dr. Hicky is one of the doctors that would catch me in the hall and talk to me. She was always there if I needed her and very nice and kind. Dr. Herman was great. I didn't get to see him often but when her was there he would lite up that room. Dr. Kusear well he was the admitting doctor the night Carly was born. Dr. Kusear was super sweet and would do all he could for me. Deb the NNP in the NPCN was great. She would jump right on what ever was bothering me. She was always there for me if I needed anything.

Now for my NICU buddies!!!!

Bri.....What in the world could I say about Bri! Bri had a baby DeAnna in the NICU. DD and Carly were NICU neighbors. Her baby had a heart defect and passed as well. Bri was one of my biggest supporters. We would hold each other when things were a little uneasy, get lunch together, hold our babies together. She is an amazing woman and gives off such a spirit about herself. God has truly placed her in my life! I love you Bri!!!! (((((HUGS)))))

Jamie and Jason.....they have twins in the NPCN right now, Ryan and Will. The are the cutest babies!! Their babies were born 2 weeks after Carly. They have been a part of my support system. We always met in the halls to discuss our babies, life in the NICU, life out if the NICU hopes and dreams. It's been great having them in our lives. They have really meant a lot to us! (((((HUGS)))))

Sheba.....Sheba, I met her while she was still pregnant. She was getting a tour of the NICU. About 3-4 weeks later I see her again. She delivered her sweet baby girl Amyia weighing only 1 pound 6 ounces. Sheba has been great support as well. She called me with questions, called to check up on Carly, and has truly been a blessing in our lives. Thank you! (((((HUGS)))))