The Smell Of Shampoo (Hannah)

WOW! Who would have ever thought the smell of shampoo could bring back such vivid memories?

I got this morning just like any other day. I cleaned the house and did laundry as Ryan worked in the yard trimming the bushes and blowing off the driveway. I needed to shower before we went out to eat and to a movie. We were out of shampoo and conditioner so I asked Ryan to run to the store and pick some up for me. He asked me if it mattered what kind and I said no. He always ask because I like to change my shampoo often. If I don't change it my hair tends to be oily. Ryan comes home and hands me a bag with shampoo and conditioner in it. I pulled out 2 bottles of Pantene Pro-V and headed to the shower. As the water got warm I got ready. I got in the shower and started my normal routine. I wet my hair first and poured shampoo into my hand. I lathered up my hair like normal and all of a sudden this sense came over me. Kinda like a memory, but really hard to put my finger on exactly how it felt. I was smelling this shampoo, it was a strong beautiful smell. Thoughts of Hannah's pregnancy washed over me with such a quickness. I felt refreshed, I felt free, I had this sense of peace wash through my whole body down to my soul. I could remember what it felt like to hold my belly with her and how it felt to anticipate her arrival. I smelled it, I smelled Hannah. It wasn't until I started to smell the shampoo that I realized I hadn't used this particular shampoo since I was pregnant with Hannah. It brought on so many emotions. I felt more happy than sad. It was almost as if she was here saying, "It's ok, remember me now. Remember me how it was when you were happy and expecting me."

Who would have ever though a normal routine of shampooing my hair could do this to my soul! I felt as if I was being embraced by her presence.

WOW! What A Shocker!

Well today my mom was scheduled to have a hysterectomy. Well, sorta, more like a laser removing the lining of her uterus. She went in and had all the prep work done. She was taken to the OR and put to sleep. Her husband and her MIL went with her so she could have someone drive her back home once everything was finished.

I called my mom to check on her and see how everything went and how she was feeling. They were just pulling out of the hospital when I called. She said she was fine and only in a little pain but went on to tell me they couldn't preform the procedure. They did however do a DNC. You'll never believe why they couldn't do it. She too has a bicornuate uterus with a septum! This is the exact same thing I have. It's like a heart shaped uterus with a wall down the middle. I have read a lot online about BU and SU that cause birth defects, stillbirths, IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) and so on and so forth. Anyhow, since all my test have come back giving no clue as to why I've all these problems with pregnancy I could only think that my mis-shaped uterus was the cause of all my problems. Now, granted it very well may BE the cause, BUT my mom had 3 FULL-TERM pregnancies with no problems and never has any miscarriages. So there IS hope that I may still carry a full-term pregnancy. But now I've began to wonder is there an underlying condition that the doctors are looking over? If so what could it be and where would I start to look to figure it out? Well, all I can do it lay it unto the Lord's feet and just have faith that He will bless our marriage with a child.

On another note, my mom is going back to see her doctor in 2 weeks to talk about having a hysterectomy where they only take her uterus and leave her ovaries. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers in the weeks to come.

I Swear I'm Still Alive!

WOW! Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post. We did go on vacation to the Florida Keys. We stayed for a week and had a blast. We also visited Miami and Fort Myers while we were gone. I went skydiving at Miami Skydiving Center. It's was great! It was an experience of a lifetime! I plan on going to the Blue Ridge mountains and doing it again there. I know the view there will be breathtaking.

I've been working a lot and trying to keep myself busy. We are about to start a memorial garden in the back yard in memory of our daughters. I'll will post more about this later along with some before pics and pics while it's being created. I know it's going to be beautiful. Our daughters are buried more than 30mins away and it's hard to go there often. This will be a great place for us to think of them and it will be right out our back door.

Staying busy is kinda hard when all that's on my mind is having a family. I would love nothing more than to be pregnant right now, but Ryan wants us to wait. We have decided to try again in December of this year. It seems like it will NEVER get here. So just keep us in your thoughts and prayers and pray that when we do actually start TTC that God will bless us with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child that I can deliver at term and that we can actually bring home to love and take care of. Another pregnancy is going to be beyond stressful so I plan on quitting my job the second I find out and staying home and just take care of myself without the added stress of work.

Well I know it was short but at least it was something. I'm headed off t spend some time with my hubby. Till next time...

I almost forgot! I wanted to show you my skydiving video. I actually played it on my computer and filmed it with my camera because I don't have any DVD ripper software. So it's not as sharp as the original but it's still ok. ENJOY!!

Now don't laugh at me, I HATE talking to a camera, I feel like such a dork! LOL

My Brother....

This is a video i took this past November of my oldest brother playing and singing a song he wrote shortly after losing our 2 daughters Carly and Hannah. It waasns't finished at the time i recorded this but it's still nice. I'll try to get him to do it again for me in a couple of weeks and I'll post the finished version. ENJOY, I know I did/do.

Hi Everyone!

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've posted. I've been working a lot trying to save as much as possible for our trip. Our trip has actually changed. We are not going on a cruise after all. We just booked our stay at Key Largo, FL. We are so excited about that! We leave in less than 2 weeks! We have a lot of our excursions planned already. We want to go para sailing but you can only book that the day of, so we will do that once we get down. We were gonna book a fishing trip but those are so dang expensive. I seen one for nearly a $1000 for 3/4 of a day. There's NO WAY I'm paying that much to go fishing. Heck I can fish in a pond in Stanfield (my old country town) for free! LOL We are going to skydive too!! Well I'm going to skydive. Ryan's a punk and a wussy and won't do it! He says he'll film me from the ground. The skydiving company or group or what ever you call them will do a professional video and pics an you get copies when you leave. This will be the highlight of my trip. I'll be doing this in Miami. We went yesterday to Aldi grocery store (SUPER CHEAP FOODS----GREAT DEALS) yesterday to buy all the non-perishable food items such as chips, canned foods, snacks, you know, things that won't go bad between now and when we get down there. It's so much cheaper to buy things like that then wait till we get there and go shopping. We'll get our milk and meats and other cold or frozen items when we get there. We only paid $110 in the store yesterday! That's great, because it would cost you that much in a day if you just ate out for a full day.

I've been tanning for our trip so I won't burn when I get down there. So much good that has done, I've managed to get burnt TWICE now laying in the tanning bed! *shakes head* I could get burnt for free down there! LOL Oh well, I'll just slow it done just a hair in the beds. Ryan and I went shopping for our trip Wed and my friend Jaira and I went shopping yesterday. Ryan and I got lots of new clothes. Mine we SOOOOO needed. Ever since being pregnant nothing fits right anymore. I knew I'd never wear my size 0's again. Heck I new that after Carly was born, so I gave all my clothes away to my little cousin. Then after Carly was born I bought a few tings but then I was soon pregnant again with Hannah so there went that! So now that I've lost weight and I'm no longer pregnant and I'M GOING ON VACATION, I figured why not!! Hey I got a sweat shirt at Pac Sun (in case I get chilly in the night)that was on sale for $10, but the tag said 2.99 so I got it even cheaper!! I got a sweet bag at Pac Sun for $2.99 too!! They had a great sale going on!

Before we go on vacation I have to go to court! Uggg, my tag on my car had been expired since October of 2008. I knew I needed to get it done but just kept putting it off, till finally a few weeks ago I got pulled over. The officer gave me a ticket and told me to get it fixed and if I prove I fixed it I may not have to pay a fine and it may get thrown out of court. So I got it fixed so here's hoping!

I'll have tons of pics and videos for when we get back. I may not blog again till then. I'm trying to work some overtime for some extra money so that's kinda cutting into my time at home lately. Everyone take care and I'll post again soon with exciting things to share!

LOST

Anyone watch LOST on Wed. nights? Oh my goodness, I am SO addicted to this show! It's a comercial break right now so I thought I'd take a sec to post on my blog that I have been neglecting so much lately. I really don't have much to talk about right now but I wanted to post pics of my sweet Hannah. I'm sure you have seen these pics in the video I posted but I want to post them anyways to remember her tonight. She would have been 5 months old yesterday.

Todays Encouragement from Proverbs 31.

I Know How I Designed It
Van Walton

"…we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus…" Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

My amazing husband can do anything. He's a fix-it man. There isn't anything he can't repair or create. He rebuilds damaged computers for family and friends, repairs weed eaters and garage door openers for neighbors, and rescues broken furniture from trash heaps. Recently he brought a chair home from a dinner party. It wasn't a gift and we didn't steal it. Someone sat in it and broke it!

After two days of taking the chair apart - performing what looked like orthopedic surgery to me, you know when pins and screws are inserted to keep bones and joints from further damage – followed by a little gluing, sanding, and staining, the chair looked brand new.

"Wow!" I said, impressed.

"Sit in it and rock back," he encouraged.

"Rock back? I don't think so! What if I break it?"

"Oh, believe me. You won't."

"How do you know?" I asked, not convinced.

"I know how I designed it. I know the pressure points and how much stress it can take" he responded with a smile of confidence. "Go on. Sit in it and rock back."

I sat down and rocked back.

The chair was solid. I don't care who sits in it, or how they land in it now, it will not break.

I think about the times we don't believe we can handle any more stress. The pressure seems overwhelming and we cry, "Time out! I can't take any more!"

God responds, "Trust me. You will not be destroyed. I know your pressure points. I know how much stress you can take. I know how I designed you."

I cannot describe the peace I felt when I related the work of my husband's hands to the work of God's hand.

Of course He knows how much I can take. After all He is my Creator, the one who bent down by the river and fashioned me with His hands. He's the one who knit me together in the depths of my mother's womb, the one who is called the Potter.

He knows the exact temperature needed in the kiln to create the perfect clay vessel. He knows how hot the fire must be to separate the dross from the silver and gold. He knows how much pressure a diamond or emerald must withstand in order for it to come forth solid and brilliant. He knows how long the irritant must sit in an oyster before it becomes a pearl.

My Father knows exactly how much I can take. He knows because He designed me. With that realization I am able to trust Him and smile at the future, no matter how hard life is today.



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This is such a good devotion to me. This one as well as many others from this great website seem to hit home with me. I hope everyone who reads this get as much from it as I have!

God Bless!

To read more devotions please click here to visit Proverbs 31.