Good News!

Well I'm not good at keeping secrets so I'll go ahead and spill the beans! I'm pregnant! We are excited. We are just putting everything in God's hands. We are just going to trust in Him to allow this baby to be healthy and to provide a healthy home for this child within my body.

I am still in complete shock! I have been taking pregnancy test just about every day since the 10th of this month. everyone of the have been coming back just as negative as they could be. I had completely lost all faith in this cycle and was just planning on trying again next month. I have had NO symptoms what-so-ever. I even though my period was on it's way with a few cramps that I have had. I guess the cramps was just the little bean implanting into it's new home. Last night a friend asked me if I had any signs of my period coming and I told her yes. I told her about my cramping and I was sure it would show up today. Well shortly after explaining that I felt as if this month was a bust I took a test just for the heck of it. As soon as the color went completely across the window of the test I chucked it in the garbage. I knew it would be negative. For some reason I felt the need to go back 5 mins later and pull it out of the trash. I was shocked to see a faint line there. I didn't believe it. My brothers were over with my husband watching the fight so I was showing Ryan and my brothers the test to get their opinions. I just said I'd take another one in the morning. This time I was going to use a first response test instead of a dollar tree test. Well at 3am I woke up having to pee so i figured why not? Sure enough I got 2 lines. I'm pregnant! Woot Woot!

My New Obsession.

Well in the past 2 months or so I have started couponing again. I haven't done it in a couple of years and even when I did it then I didn't get very good results. I have done lots of research and reading online. I have met many women who were more than happy to share some of their secrets.So Far I have done super doubles at Blooms and triples at Harris Teeter. I have saved about $300 in groceries in just the past month on coupons alone! That is awesome. We went from having no groceries in our house to not having enough room to store all of our stuff. I'm getting stuff for FREE. If not free I'm getting it for pennies! Today my mom and I went shopping at Target. They had a great Glade deal going on. So I stocked up. I also got 4 Accu-Check Aviva blood glucose monitors. I got those for FREE with my coupon. PLUS, there is a mail-in rebate offer. I will be getting $40 back through the mail just for sending in my receipt. So I'm getting PAID to take those out of the store. You can't get much better than that! I thought I'd share a pic of my shopping trip to Target today. The only thing not in the picture is a dress I bought while I was there. For everything you see and the dress not pictured only cost me $15 out of pocket! Well out of pocket I'm also including the $40 mail-in rebate and 5 $5 gift cards I got for buying the glade products. Still NOT bad! :) Now, the question is where the heck do I put all this stuff?!?!? LOL

Happy Birthday Hannah!

Today Hannah would be a year old. It's was around this time last year that I was having an ultrasound after not feeling Hannah move for a while. I remember laying in the bed as 2 nurses silently searched for a heart beat. I remember hearing my own heart in hope it was Hannah's. I remember the unspoken fear I had as I seen the worry deep in the nurses eyes and they continued to search with no such luck. I remember talking silently to Hannah asking her to move just once. I remember the fear when the nurse said she was leaving to call the doctor. I knew that it couldn't be good. I seen Hannah on the ultrasound for the last time that day. She was still. Her heart ad stopped. I could barely breath. I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. How could this have happened again? I laid there silently on the bed after holding on to Ryan for several minutes just crying. I kept praying to God to make a miracle happen and let her move just once. Nothing happened. She remained still. I lay there numb on the bed as I awaited morning so my doctor could come in and do my c-section. As I waited for the doctor I couldn't decide if I wanted to be awake or asleep for the surgery. Part of me didn't want to face the reality of going through a c-section that would result in delivering my dead child. Part of me wouldn't be able to forgive myself for not being a witness to the birth of my daughter who I had carried for 8 months. I'm glad I decided to stay awake. The moment I saw her I was in awe! She was the most beautiful baby girl. She looked so sweet and innocent. I was in love. I kissed her and loved her for a little bit. I couldn't believe something so wonderful was growing in me for those 8 months. After recovery I got to a room. We got to spent the whole day loving on Hannah. My whole family came to see our sweet angel. It was a sad day, yet a joyful one at the same time. I miss her dearly, but I know that I will see her again. I take comfort and strength in the Lord.

Now, from the Secret Garden.

secretgardenmeeting.blogspot.com

If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like.

Hannah's bedroom was done in butterflies. It was a lavender purple color. SO cute. I did it all myself by time I was 25 weeks. The beautiful white crib sat the the left and changing table to the right. The room was warm. It brought a sense of peace as I would walk into the room each and every night. I would day dream of having Hannah in the crib. I would think about what it would be like to hold her and rock her to sleep. What it would be like to sit in the stillness of the room and bond through nursing.


Did you have it ready for them before they were born?

Yes, I had Hannah's room ready by time I was 25 weeks pregnant. I was in need of nothing at that point. I had so many clothes that Hannah wouldn't even get to wear them all. I had the stroller and car seat, pack-n-play, diapers, and everything in between. Everything was perfect.


If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby?

It was hard at first. I would go into Hannah's room and just stare off into space. I would think that I should be loving on her here in this room. I sometimes would hold my belly and just cry.

Did you pack it all away?

No. We took everything back to Babies R Us. They were great. They asked no questions. They took back stuff that was open and ready to be used. It was hard for me to take everything back because I felt like I was giving up the very last things I had of Hannah. All her clothes and diapers and what-nots got sold to a lady on craigslist. The lady was super nice. She was buying all my things for her daughter who was pregnant at the time. When they got ready to leave the lady was telling me about her losing her daughter years ago. She went on to tell me that her daughter's name was Hannah. I smiled and told her my daughter's name was Hannah too. We embraced each other then said our goodbyes.

What is your baby's room now?

Now, Hannah's room is empty. It hold the clothing that comes in for the preemie clothing drive that I hold in memory of Hannah's older sister, Carly. The room gets so packed with clothing, but every 3 months we donate a portion to Levine Children's Hospital NICU. I still go in there from time to time and think of how the room use to look. I think about what Hannah would look like today and how she would be playing in her room with her toys.


If you are trying to conceive again, or are pregnant again how do you feel about setting up another room before your baby is born?

We are trying to conceive again now. I'm very scared to set up another baby room to say the least. I keep telling Ryan all I want to buy is a pack of diapers, a box of wipes and a few articles of clothing. I 'm afraid to buy anything till I know for sure that I'm going to get to bring a baby home to love here on earth. I tell Ryan that we can buy a car seat and crib once we deliver a healthy baby. That's how I feel now. I'm not sure if I'll have the same take on things when I actually become pregnant again. It almost feels as if setting up another room is taboo.

Please Pass It On!

If you have read my blog for a while now then you know Ii run a clothing drive for preemie clothing for the NICU where Carly lived the 4 months of her life. This 1st drive we collected over 2,000 articles of clothing! We have been able to donate throughout all of 2009. Many, many, many families and babies have been blessed throughout the year because of every one's help. Please take the time to help me to get the word out. I need you to post this on your blogs and all the boards or forums you frequent. Let everyone know about what we are doing and lead them to our Preemie Clothing Drive blog. We need your help to be successfull again!

http://preemieonesiedrive.blogspot.com/

Thanks for your help!! :)

Butterfly Release 2009

Today was the Butterfly Release at Frazier Park in Downtown Charlotte. It was held by the Levine Children's Hospital. It's a place for parents and loved ones to come together who have lost a child in the NICU. We went last year for the 1st time. Last year I spoke and I was still pregnant. This year was a lot easier for me emotionally. The had a choir there who sung a couple of songs. They sounded amazing! Dr Herman, on of the neonatologist help to lead the celebration of life with Cindy, one of the neonatal nurse practitioner. They had a dedication of bricks to several families. A couple of parents stood up to say some nice heart felt things about their children. Towards the end everyone formed a circle and went around and said the name of their child(ren). Then, a prayer was said and we released our butterflies. It was beautiful to watch them fly around. Some flew away while others stuck around and we just beautiful to look at in the flowers and trees. After the service was over we got to take some time to talk to others there. Bree, my friend from the NICU was there. We sat together and talked about how it use to be. Bree's little girl DeAnna was Carly's neighbor and passed away when she was 2 months old. She also had a heart defect. Another friend of mine there was Shannon. Shannon also had babies in the NICU. He actually had twins there. They lost one twin from twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I also got to meet a lady who I've been talking to on Charlottemommies. He name is Vicky. Adam and Aimme were also there. I'm sure most of you know them, baby Kayleigh's parents. Dr. Chu was there. She was Carly's Dr. She was always super sweet and talked to you like you were a friend. She had a special way of making you feel at home in a not so homie place. It was suppose to rain today but thank God it didn't. It turned out to be a beautiful day. I didn't take many pics but I did get a few.

This is Dr. Herman and Cindy (NNP). They both cared for Carly during her NICU stay.


This was a lady sharing her story of loss and healing.


Some butterflies as they flew off.




Bree and I.


Ryan and Bree


Ryan and I


And lastly Dr. Chu and myself.




NOW, for some new information. In my last post I told everyone that we would be TTC again in December. Plans have changed and we will actually start TTC again in 3 weeks! I'm so excited yet so nervous. Here's hoping for a surprise mid November!

We Need Your Help Again!

Here is my last post from my Preemie Onesie Drive blog. Please tell everyone you know so 2010 can be a huge success as well.
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We are starting now in October collecting again for 2010. Last year when I started this drive I had a goal of 200 items. As the weeks went by I realized that I was getting close to my goal. Soon, I was counting over 200 and close to 500. I was amazed. By time March 9th came around we had over 2,000 items! I was shocked but BEYOND happy. I couldn't believe how well this drive had gone. We were able to make a HUGE 1st donation to Levine Children's Hospital and still have enough clothing to donate to LCH every 3 months for the rest of 2009. We were also able to donate to several other local NICU's in North Carolina. This was all made possible because of YOU! Thank you all so much.

So it's time again and I need your help once more. Please tell everyone you know to check out this blog and help. If you can't help by donating clothing or monetary donation, you can help by passing along this blog to everyone you know!


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Recap on my 1st post for those of you who have never read my blog before.
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This is the first annual preemie onesie drive being held by me (Rachel) and Ryan. We are collecting preemie onesies to donate to the babies that are staying in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). Ryan and I had our first daughter Carly in the NICU for 4 months before passing away from a heart defect. I know as well as other preemie parents of children in the NICU know that it's hard for your child to be there. It's hard in many ways. It's hard as far as gas is concerned because of the many daily trips to the hospital. A lot of times one of the parents (usually the moms) quit working to be at the hospital with their child as much as possible. This makes funds tight. Paying bills can become a struggle. And it makes it hard to buy your new little one the cute outfits that moms want to see their child in. So this is why I'm having this preemie onesie drive. To help parents enjoy seeing their little boy or girl dressed in a cute outfit. Carly got a cute outfit while she was in the NICU as a anonymous donation. It made me feel completely blessed. It was nice for someone to do this for her. Being in the NICU is a very stressful time. Some are only there for days while others are there for months and even over a year. Simple acts of kindness fills peoples hearts with happiness. I'm doing this donation in memory of Carly who passed away on 3/9/08. I will deliver the donated onesies on 3/9/09. And plan to do this as an annual thing.

So please lets come together and help me to gather the needed onesies to donate to the NICU that my sweet Carly was at (Levine Children's Hospital). We will be having collections at my church and other local churches. Allstate is also helping with this donation(the employees not the company in itself). I will be posting a PO Box address to mail donated onesies to. And also if you would rather donate money you can. And the funds received will go toward the purchase of preemie onesies. The NICU houses nearly 100 babies. This fluctuates from time to time. Also they have an NPCN (neonatal progressive care nursery). And this unit holds about 60 babies maybe more. I hope to raise enough to donate to both the NICU and NPCN. So tell everyone you know to help me reach my goal by 3/9/09.

I have gotten in touch with some local companies and some out of state companies to help with this project. I've also contacted some local news stations to help. My ultimate goal is to raise more than enough onesies needed and gather enough monetary donations that could go straight to the NICU to purchase new equipment and supplies needed.

Ways you can become involved.....

1. You can mail donated preemie onesies

2. You can donate money to go toward the purchase of new preemie onesies. Just click on the donate button at the top of this blog.

3. You can place a flyer in your church, staff break room at your job, or local businesses with a box to help gather donations and mail them to the PO Box. (If you gather a large donation I will gladly pay for shipping).


**I will make a flyer and send it to your email to print if you would like to help in that way.


I will keep updated post on onesies received. At the time of donation I will have several pictures to post on that special day.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask. You can reach me at either carlynicoleelliotte@gmail.com or at carlynhannah@yahoo.com

Thanks for your help and participation,
Rachel and Ryan

I'm Still Alive!

It's been a while since I've posted. I've been super busy with work. Last month Ryan and I got to keep our nephews (2 and 5, both boys) from Friday to Sunday. We took them to Carowinds (a theme park). It was a lot of fun. We hated to take them back home but I know my brother and SIL were DYING to get them back home! I hope to get them again soon. Although that may not happen as soon as I would like. My brother and his wife and kids MAY be moving to LA in Cali. He feels like God is calling him to go out there and start up another church. He moved 3 hours away from home 2 years ago to start a church up near the coast of NC. It was hard to have him leave then. If he moves to LA that will be all the way across the country. I'm just going to pray for direction in his life. I've been dying to get pregnant, but we still have till December to wait. I'm just hoping that it happens right away and doesn't take very long.

I know this was short but I wanted to write SOMETHING at least.